Spain vs Morocco
(mailbox experience)
Spain: You gotta do something about those illegal immigrants.
Morocco: Look, those are your borders. Why should I be responsible for controlling them?
Spain: The EU is giving me a hard time about this, so I have to give you a hard time about it too.
Morocco: I'm doing what I can--it's very costly. I've dismantled smuggling networks. But those networks operate in Spain also. You have to control those.
Spain: It's all your fault. Your people all want out. Europe is a castle and I've got to protect the moat.
Morocco: They're not just my people. They also come from the African ex-colonies?
Spain: By the way, I need another 4,000 people to come pick my oranges and tomatoes this summer. Can I have some?
Morocco: Your embassy is doling out the visas. Don't come and complain if they want to stay, though.
Spain: What about fishing rights? It takes lots of shrimp and fish to make a good paella.
Morocco: You've been overfishing for years. I'm sick and tired of catching your fishermen illegally on my waters.
Spain: You have to give us a good deal. This is ridiculous.
Morocco: I don't have to give you anything. Ever heard of supply and demand? Japan wants to fish here too.
Spain: I see. Well, let me see here. Ah, we've got the Western Sahara.
Morocco: Don't you dare.
Spain: Watch me. (Turns to the EU: The Saharan people must decide whether they want to be independent or join with Morocco. Morocco is delaying the referendum.)
Morocco: I'm recalling my ambassador.
Spain: This is an illegal occupation that must end.
Morocco: You've got some nerve. Weren't you here illegally for 40 years? Aren't you still here illegally in Ceuta and Melilla?
Spain: Those are Spanish enclaves.
Morocco: Someone please explain how two cities on Moroccan land can belong to another country.
Spain: They've been Spanish since the late 1600s.
Morocco: They've been occupied since the late 1600s. They're the oldest colonies in the world. That makes you the oldest colonizer in the world.
Spain: Like I've been saying for years, you can have them if I get back Gibraltar from the UK.
Morocco: That will never happen.
Spain: It could. We are working out our differences.
Morocco: Like hell you are. The people will vote to stay with the UK and you know it.
Spain: I don't know that. You don't know that.
Morocco: In that case, I'm sending 6 soldiers over to the island of Leila, off the village of Benyounech.
Spain: You mean Perejil.
Morocco: Leila.
Spain: Perejil.
Morocco: Leila, Leila, Leila. You've given it up when you got out of Morocco 40 years ago. It's a rock. Don't get all worked up.
Spain: You can't put me in front of a "fait accompli" and expect me to do nothing. We've got to work this out diplomatically.
Morocco: We will work it out diplomatically. It's a handful of soldiers for crying out loud. It's not like we sent an army.
Spain: We will work this out diplomatically. (Meanwhile, sends a commando during the night, plants its flag, takes the Moroccans in custody.)
Morocco: This is an act of war.
Spain: No resistance was offered. Not a single shot was fired.
Morocco: The Arab League is on my side.
Spain: The EU is on my side.
